Most people who are not familiar with depression might think that there's not much damage it can cause since it is all in the mind and not physical. Sometimes what is in the mind is the most damaging.
Depression takes a toll on the heart. My depression was a major one. I used to have panic attack and worries all the time. Over a long period of time I am sure it has done some damage to my heart.
Might even lose friends. During depression, i have caused so much problems to have friends and family that I am surprised some still stays with me. It has caused some permanent damage to some of my friends but the rest stays with me. i believed some of my friends despise me for some of my behaviors but I don't blame them as I was hiding the fact that i am going through depression during those period.
The greatest toll it will take on you will be your family members. My wife has suffered the most during this ordeal lasting 3-5 months. She has been always patient, very encouraging and will to listen to me. However, I will always drift back to the dark moments of negativity that she ultimately also lost abit of patience. Can you imagine me waking her up early in the morning like 3am or 5am asking her to talk to me? Or telling her I have panic attack? I did this for months but I is really not intentional. I just do not know how to cope with it when i have panic attack. By the way, she works full time too so you can see it is a very trying time to live with someone going through depression. Without her, i do not think i am able to overcome my depression. She is the most important support during those times. During those period, i can't believed that she will love a person like me with such an affliction. I felt that i am weak and totally unlovable. She stuck by me and support me all the way regardless of my decision. She is constantly worried and looking for help for me. Be it looking for treatment such as therapy or friends or families to talk to. She was also at a lost and not knowing how to help me. She has suffered during those period and i believed she cried silently many times seeing me in that state.
Looking back, i am fortunate to have her as my support during those times. At least i did not give up and let her down.
It was a dark and shameful period in my life that I hope i did not have to go through. However, it did happened and I have to live with it. At least, I am out of depression now and living quite well. I probably have to come to terms with my depression one day but I am not sure how. I will just keep writing and see where it leads me to. I believed the more i write, the more i will learn and recall about this terrible illness.
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